??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
