Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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