somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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