nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
