I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
