Non-Jews are for practice
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
