i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
