Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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