I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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