We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
