so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
