im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
