i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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