Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
