sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
