I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
