He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
