the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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