Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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