I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
