I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
