I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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