And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
