which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
