Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
