I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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