SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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