my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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