So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
