also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
