I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
