I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
