in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
