If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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