Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
