Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is my gift to your gina
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
