I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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