Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize