When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
