If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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