hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
