Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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