i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
