found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
