i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
