I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
