Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
