So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
