I'm gonna have a badass scar
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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