I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
