walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
