someone owes me an orgasm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
