Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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