K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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