he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
