Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
