Only a mothe r could love this liver
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
