I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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