maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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