Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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