Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
