The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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