I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
