guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
