Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
