you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
